I dropped the girls off at school and went back to the apartment to clean up. At the time I was by myself and not really focusing on anything but cleaning up. Moving everything to the front of the apartment.One side was with things I was taking to our new home and the other side was things I wasn’t taking with me at all. I have always been taught to grieve but don’t grieve long. I have always agreed with that method until now. I have found out that if you don’t properly grieve or go through the process it will come up again. I am now having to deal with a lot that I thought I had dealt with over the years, but realizing I had only buried them. At the moment I wasn’t ready to deal with it, so I stayed focused on the task at hand which was to “CLEAN THIS HOUSE” Later I found myself saying I’m just ready for this to be over not realizing at the time that this was part of the process that I have to go through in order to fully cross over into the next season whole. I then sat down to eat my lunch and my mom was getting ready to leave and I sat on the floor and felt it coming, but I was still trying to avoid it and hold it in. Then I heard a still small voice say “Let It Go” Tears began to fall down my face. Again I heard “Let It Go” I began to cry like a big baby. The tears I cried were of mixed emotions. Happy, but also sad having to deal with the fact that IT IS OVER.The life that I thought I would have but it died.
1. My Pastor died
2. My family church was no more
4. Leaving what I considered home and where we raised our children
Moving forward doesn’t mean I would forget, but God was closing a chapter in my life. I had to deal with it and embrace it to fully walk into my new season God had for me and my family.#CLEANTHISHOUSE